I realized I haven't had a boyfriend in two years. I want one, but I'm shy and have little dating experience, so it's difficult. I wish I had a man who could take me on. Maybe that's why, when I look at pornographic books and websites, I can't help but be drawn to the more explicit content. Being tied up, slapped, and pushed around gets me excited, and I secretly enjoy indulging in erotic activities alone. But I still want a man to hold me tight and do it to me as roughly as he does it to me. I mustered up the courage to apply, but I was nervous all the way through the shoot. Part of it was nerve-wracking, but it had been so long since I'd had sex, I wondered if it would be okay. But the actor gently and quietly led me, and although it was embarrassing, I somehow felt at ease. I did as he told me, came in an embarrassing position, and then the actor tied my hands behind my back. His penis popped out of my underwear with a loud bang, and I was so surprised I instinctively pulled away. He put it in my mouth and I tried to suck it, but I couldn't use my hands and I couldn't move my body properly. I hesitated, and then he held my head down and pushed me in. He was shaking me and I couldn't breathe properly. He was squeezing me between his breasts and thrusting, and it had been so long since I'd had sex that I felt like I was going to give in, but the camera was pointed at me and I was so embarrassed I didn't know what face to make. But I was so turned on, and it had been so long I thought his penis might not go in, but it went in easily. After that, it was so intense I couldn't think of anything else. Asking him to put it in my pussy was embarrassing, but it felt amazing.